American Cry Baby

Could Jordin Sparks be any more annoying?  Seriously, Jordin, we know that you are only 17, and it’s a really emotional time for you.  But if you can’t make it through a song without crying, maybe the title should go to someone else.  Like Blake.  Or better yet, Melinda.  I say it every year, but this time I think it’s for real.  Come January, I don’t think I’ll be watching American Idol.

American Idol’s Hidden Past

Okay, so the title was just for kicks, but Marc and I had a little fun yesterday coming up with the cartoon alter-egos of the American Idiot Top 8.  I wanted to do an Idol post, but I knew that my analyses couldn’t touch those of the Running Peanut.  So here is my contribution to today’s Idol chatter:

Blake Lewis a/k/a Johnny Bravo

 

 Chris Richardson a/k/a Bobby from King of the Hill

  

Haley Scarnato a/k/a Daphne from Scooby Doo

 

Jordin Sparks a/k/a Minnie Mouse

 

 LaKisha Jones a/k/a Tazmanian Devil’s Wife from the Looney Toons

 

 Melinda Doolittle a/k/a Princess Fiona from Shrek

 

 Phil Stacey a/k/a Stewie from The Family Guy

 

 Sanjaya Malakar a/k/a Timon from The Lion King

 

You can totally see it, can’t you?  Now realize, for all you Idol purists out there, that this is all strictly in fun.  I actually do like a couple of the candidates…this was just too much fun to pass up!

Listen: America Got it Wrong, Dawg!

So I’m a little embarrassed that my last two posts are about American Idol, but that’s how it goes. I’m live-time blogging right now while watching the results show with my mother-in-law, Judy. As of this moment, we’ve kicked off Jared (thank goodness!), Antonella (hallelujah!!), and Sabrina (WHAT?!?). Now we’re down to Sundance and Sanjaya, which makes me think that somehow Sundance will go home. Poor guys…just sitting there with their American Idol futures on the line while Seacrest gabs on about the philanthropic…..wait a second, BORAT? That actually sounds kind of cool…I’ll be sure to mark my calendar. Another break—Diet Coke, V-Cast phone and a sweaty dude in a t-shirt, that incredibly annoying Ford Ehhhdguh commercial, Vickie’s Secret, Denny’s, Jergen’s tan-in-a-bottle, Fox 59, sitcoms, 5th grade game show, and we’re back. Drum roll, please….this show is officially RIDICULOUS!!! Sundance, man, you deserve better than this show even with that funky goatee thing on your chin.

Mango, Out!

American Idiot: Who hates Nina Simone?

I promise myself every year that it will be my last season of American Idol watching. Yet here I am…another season, another few hours down the toilet each week as I plop my patootie down in front of the boob-tube and behold the train wreck that I now refer to as “American Idiot.” I will grant that I watch far less AI than in previous seasons. In fact, we skipped everything up until Hollywood Week this year, but somehow I still get sucked in.

As I eased back into AI viewing this year, I realized that I had some unresolved feelings from last year—actually one specific issue, and that was my anger over Chris Daughtry’s early departure from the competition due to the numbskull voting tendencies of the American public. I’ve tried to be open-minded, tried to suspend my ill-feelings towards the competition, but then I sit with a pit in my stomach as I hear AJ’s name called just in time for the “Bye-Bye Montage.” What? I mean, did I watch the same show this week? How could anyone in their right mind vote for a giant fedora-donning ferret singing a show choir version of Steppin’ Out with my Baby? As AJ and Sanjaya stood there, shoulder to shoulder, reasonable talent to lack thereof, Marc proclaimed his excitement for the end of Sanjaya’s run. “Don’t be surprised if AJ goes home,” I told him. Bingo—chalk one up for Mango.

So what is it about this show that celebrates mediocrity at the expense of genuine talent? I’m not going to offer an explanation, because I don’t really know the answer. Could it be that America just doesn’t like Nina Simone? Personally, she’s a favorite of mine, but who knows? Maybe some folks were a little upset that Miss Nina liked France better than America and decided to take it out on ol’ AJ and Leslie. If so, I’m pulling for Antonella and Sanjaya to wrap their vocal chords around “I Think it’s Going to Rain Today” next week.